Live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Big Show… Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston… United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro… Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No… NXT Champion: Seth Rollins… Diva’s Champion: Eve Torres
Tonight is the Slammys… I miss when they were in an amphitheater and the wrestlers wore tuxes.
Rey Mysterio (w/Sin Cara) vs. Damien Sandow (w/Cody Rhodes): Sandow is already in the ring. They lock up and Sandow kicks away in the corner; he tosses Rey to the floor bellyflop style. He chucks him into the post and back in the ring the Russian leg sweep and Cubito Aequet. Sandow applies a chinlock. Damien hits some shoulderblocks in the corner and trues for a superplex. Mysterio counters and hits a seated senton and hurracanrana. He follows with a low dropkick for two. Sandow sneaks in a boot and hits the Idolizer but gets only two. Sandow tries a slam but Rey counters into a tornado DDT. Mysterio hits the 619 and Drops a Dime for three. 3/10 Nothing too special; really short and the Scholars already won the number one contender’s match last night at TLC over Rey and Cara so this was just to get Mysterio some of his luster back. I’m certain, if given more time, this match could have rocked.
Here is your winner… Rey Mysterio @ about 6:40 via 619/Dime Drop pinfall.
Booker T presents the Slammy for “Tell Me I Didn’t Just See That” award. Nominees: Brad Maddox’s low blow; Sheamus eighteen seconds; Kofi Kingston’s handstand to saves off elimination at the Royal Rumble; CM Punk’s heel turn over The Rock. Booker is about to present the away but The Boogieman comes out? Booker does not look pleased. We take a break and return with Booker dumbfounded. He gets the title of the Slammy and goes to present the Slammy. Brad Maddox comes out (I presume he thinks he deserves the award) but of course it goes to Kofi Kingston. He gives a generic speech and thanks the fans.
Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres: Both divas in the ring. Kaitlyn tackles Eve and a catfight erupts. Torres rolls to the floor and Kaitlyn tosses her into the barricade a few times. Back in the ring, Eve takes over with a low dropkick. She slams the back of her head onto the mat and tosses her into the corner. Mudhole stomping follows. The mounted corner chinlock predicates a pair of referee rope breaks; Kaitlyn counters with a fireman’s carry gutbuster to pin the champ. 1/10 Awful match which no one cares about. The champion just got pinned (in a nontitle match) and the crowd went mild.
Here is your winner… Kaitlyn @ about 2:00 via fireman’s carry gutbuster pinfall.
The New Age Outlaws present the award for the “Comeback of the Year.” Billy wants to go to the ring but Road Dogg has to stop him; they get their “tag team champions of the world” spiel for the fans in the building. Billy presents the nominees written on his hand. Funny. We have; Brock Lesnar, Chris Jericho, D-Generation X and Jerry Lawler (for his heart attack). Gee I wonder who will win this one… After the break and fans’ vote, Jerry Lawler wins obviously. Jerry RUNS up the ramp, showing no ill effects of the heart attack. Jerry thanks us all (and God); it’s great to be back. Impressive comeback actually.
Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai: Poor Tensai does not even get an entrance; he could win the Slammy for “Flop of the Year.” Kofi opens with a dropkick but Tensai comes back with a shoulderblock and elbow drops. He keeps on Kingston with head-butts and a Vader Bomb, for two. He misses a Locomotive Splash in the corner and walks into a Trouble in Paradise for three. Post-match, Wade Barrett attacks a celebrating Kofi and tosses him into the post. He completes the message with a Bull Hammer. 2/10 Boy these matches keep getting shorter and shorter. Pretty much a squash for Kofi; at least the Barrett attack keeps this feud going and saved this segment. I’m all for longer feuds that last past one PPV.
Here is your winner… Kofi Kingston @ about 1:25 via Trouble in Paradise pinfall.
Vickie Guerrero comes out to present the Slammy for “Kiss of the Year.” The nominees are AJ Lee and Daniel Bryan, AJ and Kane, AJ and CM Punk and AJ and John Cena. I see where this is going… AJ’s heel turn makes no sense other than she’s crazy. It will be interesting to see the interaction between she and Vickie. Guerrero continues to rip apart AJ so I guess they won’t get along. The winners are AJ (duh) and Cena. Vickie tells her to explain her actions at the PPV last night (she prevented Cena from winning). AJ says she owes everyone nothing. She says that she does not care what Vickie, Cena or the fans care about her anymore. The get into an argument but Dolph Ziggler comes out to break it up. AJ kisses Dolph to the chagrin of Vickie. Ziggler does not seem to care but is still confused. AJ’s character does not make sense but I guess that’s the point.
The Great Khali (w/Natalya) vs. David Otunga: I don’t see this match taking the show out of the in-ring doldrums it’s stuck in. Otunga tries to attack but gets caught with a clothesline. He gets a huge chop in the corner… and then again in another corner. He misses a charge in the corner and Otunga takes over with stomps and knees. He painfully (to watch) works the leg and knee of Khali. To Otunga’s defense (I’m defending an undefeated lawyer…) he does not have much to work with here. Khali erects himself and hits a big boot as the commentators are bored with the match and discuss Twitter. He finishes with the Head Chop shortly after. 1/10 Garbage.
Here is your winner… Great Khali @ about 2:10 via Head Chop pinfall.
The nominees for “Superstar of the Year” are shown… to a voiceover from Ric Flair! The nominees are: Sheamus, John Cena, Big Show and CM Punk. I hope Punk wins. Back from break the special presenter comes out… THE NATURE BOY! Woooo! Naich is back. He presents the award to the Superstar… of the year… in the WWE. Cena wins. Painful. The WWE Universe votes Cena in. He gets the huge Philadelphia smark reaction. He takes his jolly sweet time getting to his speech. He talks about working hard to get where you are; he also, out of respect, feels the award should be for the greatest superstar off all time. John gives the Slammy to Flair and walks off. Ric tries to talk but guess who comes out. Mr. Punk with Paul Heyman in tow. He gets the huge babyface reaction in Philly; he gripes about not winning the award. He makes a good point that all Cena did in 2012 was fail at everything and lose all the big matches. Punk calls him, the City of Philadelphia and Ric Flair a bunch of losers. He mentions the 393 consecutive days as champ and cuts a wooo in his promo. Ric shows off his Rolex and ponders if it is time for Punk to leave; Punk retorts with “it’s clobberin’ time.” Flair makes fun of Heyman. Punk feels that he could still kick Ric’s ass with one leg. Punk mentions baggage; Ric responds with his four ex-wives. Punk ALMOST begins to laugh but regains his heel composure and insists the ass kicking will happen. Ric rips his jacket off and heads INTO THE RING! Punk heads towards the ring despite the objections of Heyman. After a commercial break, Punk has made it into the ring. I love Punk’s “knees to faces” shirt making fun of The Rock. Punk nails Flair with the crutch attacks him. Flair recovers and pokes Punk in the eye and hooks Heyman in the figure-four leglock. Ric grabs a mic and tells Jerry Lawler that he loves him and wants to die in the WWE. He begins to thank the fans but The Shield heads into the ring… another commercial. We return with a huge brawl between the Shield, Flair and Team Hell No who has come to the Naich’s aid. This is devolving into chaos. Ambrose takes Flair out and then assists Rollins and Reigns in decimating Kane and Bryan. Reigns begins to clear off the announce table and they set up Flair for the Shield Bomb through the table but Ryback storms the ring. Ryback destroys everyone allowing Kane and Bryan to recover; he press-slams Rollins onto the announce table (which does not break). In the ring the three of them celebrate with Flair. 7/10 The end was rather flat but where else could they go with it (the Punk part). The Flair/Punk promo was awesome; the huge brawl was cool too. I’m sure the Shield will be back soon. Nice to see Flair back in the WWE.
In the back Ric Flair thanks Team Hell No for the assist. A huge, hilarious; “Yes!” “No!” “Wooo!” battle ensues, punctuated by Ron Simmons.
“Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/The Funkadactyls) vs. JTG: The squash match brigade continues… they lock up and Clay dominates with a belly-to-belly suplex and a legdrop. Brodus charges and meets JTG’s boot twice. He follows up with a nice Over Castle neckbreaker. He gets a one count off that. JTG applies a chinlock. Clay powers free and hits clotheslines. The Funky Avalanche and the My Bad Suplex follow; after that, the rhino head-butt and Call My Momma Splash ends the squash. 2/10 Funky squash match. Nice Over Castle by JTG there too.
Here is your winner… Brodus Clay @ about 3:15 via Call My Momma Splash pinfall.
Santino Marella and Tensai come out to present the Slammy for “LOL Moment of the Year.” This could be career making for Tensai if he plays off Santino well (look what it did for Vladimir Kozlov). Tensai pulls a Shockmaster stumbling through the curtain; he has a water bottle taped to his head from the prior Trouble in Paradise kick. Santino laughs his way through the entire announcements. He calls Tensai ALBERT! Santino “reads” Tensai’s lines from the teleprompter. “In Japanese Tensai means Fat Albert.” Tensai tells him there is no teleprompter. The nominees are The Rock, Team Hell No (who BETTER win), Randy Orton (not sure about that one), Vickie Guerrero (for the Elaine Dance). The Slammy goes to… The Rock. Shocking. He’s not there, boos ensue. Santino accepts for him and goes to leave but Daniel Bryan runs out and objects. Kane comes out and has to drag him to the back, kicking and screaming “NO!” the entire time. So funny.
Sin Cara (w/Rey Mysterio) vs. Cody Rhodes (w/Damien Sandow): Ugh, the Cara lighting; Rhodes opens with kicks to Cara’s bad leg (from the PPV). He tosses the Luchadore into the ropes which allows a handspring elbow. He hits the Sky Twister Armdrag and then topés onto him on the floor. Sandow comes over but Mysterio keeps him away. Back in the ring, Rhodes takes over again with stomping and delayed release gourdbuster. Rhodes hits knees in the ropes and applies a standing armbar. He stands on Cara’s face under the ropes; Cody works the back but Cara fights back. A hammer-toss in the opposite corner keeps Cara down; he deposits Cara onto the apron and taunts the crowd for some reason and charges right into a pendulum kick. Cara hits a springboard missile dropkick. He begins the comeback with a hurracanrana as the commentators make fun of each other. Cara does one wheelbarrow move too many and gets planted with Cross Rhodes for three. 5/10 A bit better but short as well. The matches are moving along too briskly this evening but I guess the focus is on the Slammys. JBL discussing moustaches throughout the match was entertaining… “What about Blackjack Bradshaw?”
Here is your winner… Cody Rhodes @ about 4:55 via Cross Rhodes pinfall.
Zack Ryder and Layla come out to present the award for “Trending Now: Hashtag of the Year”. Layla pimps Twitter and the WWE App (for the fiftieth time on this show)… The nominees are #FeedMeMore, #PeoplePower, #LittleJimmy, and #WWWYKI. Back from break with the results; the Slammy goes to #FeedMeMore. Whatever. No speech from the big guy because he has a match.
The Big Show hobbles out with the HUGE chair he used to kill Sheamus at the TLC PPV and keep his title. He complains about not winning the “Superstar of the Year” Slammy. He’s happy that he retained his title though. Show begins to cut a promo on Sheamus but is met with a “boring” chant. He rants to the crowd until Sheamus comes out. Sheamus is taking the loss like a good babyface. He talks about how physical and devastating match and admits that Show was the better man, since he won. He offers a handshake. Show obliges to a warm reception but then makes fun of his Irishness (potato eater and ginger). Sheamus takes him and beats him up with the HUGE chair and clobbers him with a Brogue Kick. 4/10 For the first time in a while; Sheamus did not look like an ass. Show brought that beating on all himself.
WAIT A MINUTE… Dolph Ziggler runs out with his briefcase but John Cena throws cold water on the party and attacks him. Cena leaves as the WWE tease a title switch and the feud between the two of them must continue. Before the following match can begin, Ziggler complains to Vickie Guerrero about Cena’s actions. Vickie brings up the AJ Lee situation. They get into a little spat over the AJ stuff; Ziggler says the “relationship” is over and rips her for being tired, old and ugly. Not sure what the WWE is doing trying to keep Cena a babyface when the crowd is SALIVATING for a Ziggler title win; this turned Cena into a bigger heel in Philly (if that’s humanly possible).
Alberto Del Rio, The Miz & Tommy Dreamer (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. 3MB: Weird seeing ADR as a babyface… actually, Miz too. Pre-match, Miz introduces Tommy to the obvious hot ECW reaction. Poor Slater, still jobbing to legends… he’s got his stable not but now they all have to job to legends too! ADR opens with McIntyre and Drew forces him into the corner and pounds away. Del Rio reverses and hits a running enziguri; he tags in Tommy who enters to a huge “Tommy Dreamer.” Slater tags in and makes fun of him, does the air guitar, and pushes the Innovator of Violence. Tommy responds with an awesome bewildered expression and punches Heath right in the mouth. He hits a flapjack and everyone runs in for a huge brawl. The babyfaces toss the band to the floor; Del Rio, since he’s a babyface now is allowed to open up his arsenal a little more, and busts out a topé. Tommy mounts the buckles for AIR DREAMER and wipes all of 3MB with a crossbody. JBL’s “Oh, the humanity” call is awesome. Back from commercial, with Tommy back suplexing out of a Mahal chinlock. So, I guess we at home missed all of Tommy’s signature spots during the break. Slater and Miz tag and he hits clotheslines and a backdrop. The Awesome Clothesline nails Slater but Mahal provides a distraction allowing Slater to knock him off the apron into the ring barricade. Heath tosses Miz into the ring barricade and then back into the ring. McIntyre tags in and hits a nice snap-suplex for a zero count, so he locks in an armbar. JBL is tremendous along with Jerry Lawler making fun of the 3MB. Jinder tags and hits a knee drop and applies his own chinlock. Michael Cole is blatantly laughing on commentary at the hilarity ensuing. Miz makes a comeback with the Vintage Neckbreaker. Slater tags in and cuts off a tag with a rolling front facelock. Miz tries to fight back in the Rock Band corner but the numbers overwhelm him and McIntyre tags in. He draws ADR and Dreamer into the ring, like a good heel, and hits a big boot to Miz. The heels work him over as Slater tags and kicks away; the air guitar celebration commences but Miz almost makes a comeback with a sunset flip but Slater ends it with a running clothesline. Jinder tags and hits an elbow, for two. Drew hits a fireman’s carry faceplant for two more. Slater tags and goes for a cover; back to the chinlock as this match seems to have lost all form of pacing. It’s almost like the WWE was like: “uh, oh we have an hour left… go out there and fill in about twenty minutes!” ADR finally gets the semi-hot tag (probably because the pro-ECW crowd wanted Dreamer); he hits clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He knocks McIntyre off the apron into the announce table. Del Rio hits a nasty looking Avada Kedavra which draws Mahal into the ring to break up a pinfall. Miz wipes him with a Cactus Clothesline. Del Rio tries for the cross-armbreaker but, since he’s a babyface now, Slater is able to counter; ADR reverses a corner whip and flattens him with the step-up enziguri. Tag Tommy! He thinks cross-armbreaker but Dreamer BEGS for a tag… and gets it! DREAMER DDT! Slater gives it some extra mustard, spiking his head into the mat for three. 5.5/10 Good to see Tommy back in a WWE ring. That was odd; with a show full of three-minute squashes… this is the match that gets almost fifteen minutes. Someone, who is in charge of pacing these three-hour Raws needs to be fired. This is a common problem for most of these shows, they seem to not have any idea how to pace and fit the segments/matches into a specific timeslot.
Here are your winners… Alberto Del Rio, The Miz & Tommy Dreamer @ about 14:55 (broadcast) via Dreamer DDT pinfall.
The prior winners barely get out of the ring before Sheamus comes out to present a Slammy. He talks about beating on Big Show with the huge chair. He’s out to present “Newcomer of the Year” since he’s a former winner. The nominees are Antonio Cesaro, Brodus Clay, Damien Sandow and Ryback… gee I wonder who will win this one? All are legit choices actually. The winner is Ryback, obviously. Since the Universe is voting. He actually comes out to accept the award. It would amuse me if he ate the microphone. Ryback gives Owen Hart a shout out with “enough is enough and it’s time for a change… I am that change… feed me more!”
Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro: Pre-match, Cesaro says what we all think, the voting is rigged. He feels he is smarter and stronger than Ryback and, unlike Ryback, is a champion. Cesaro opens with kicks and a European uppercut. That advantage lasts about three seconds before a Thesz Press gives Ryback the advantage. He pummels Cesaro but gets a press-slam countered with a forearm to the back. He hits a European uppercut as the “Goldberg” chants rain down. Cesaro tries a suplex but Ryback quickly hoists him up into a stomping delayed vertical suplex. He misses a charge in the corner and POWERS Ryback up into a spinebuster. Antonio looks for the Neutralizer but Ryback quickly powers up and hits a spinebuster of his own. Ryback preps for the Meat Hook but Cesaro tries to take a hike; the feeding frenzy is not over so Ryback comes after him and press-slams him back into the ring. Cesaro rolls out to the other side, takes his title, and leaves the ring to give Ryback the countout win. 4/10 I have no problem with Cesaro taking the walk; the WWE is really high on him so they protect him by not jobbing. Ryback continues to roll.
Here is your winner… Ryback @ about 3:55 via countout.
Gene Okerlund, Ricky Steamboat and Jim Ross come out to present the Slammy for “Match of the Year.” Okerlund notes this as the last Slammy. Ricky says he’s won a few for match of the year. I know back in ’88 and ’89 he should have. The nominees are the “End of an Era Match” between Undertaker and Triple H; John Cena versus Brock Lesnar; Sheamus versus Big Show; The Rock versus Cena. After the commercial, the winner is HHH/Undertaker. Hunter comes out to accept with his new short hair. The buzz cut just does not look right on him. He gets a hair joke in. The fans chant “we want Taker.” He calls the match at ‘Mania “magical.” He also gives props to special referee Shawn Michaels and calls Taker the “benchmark” of the industry. The fans thank Hunter but he turns it around back to them. He also adds, “You’ve not seen the last of the Undertaker.” I agree with this result considering the other options.
In the back The Shield beat up Tommy Dreamer and toss him into a garage door; Ricardo Rodriguez comes to his aid but gets decimated as well.
AJ Lee comes out and has a pair of ring hands to set up a ladder in the ring. She climbs atop it, giving half the arena a clear view of her ass in little shorts. She admits she’s full of surprises; she then addresses the “why did you do it?” questions. The fans ask her “what?” in lieu of “why?” The reason is… Vickie Guerrero interrupts because Creative does not have that figured out yet. She enters the ring and Dolph Ziggler makes his entrance for…
John Cena & Vickie Guerrero vs. Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee mixed tag team match: Quiet Lois, MEN are wrestling… Ziggler plays keep-away and struts around the ring. Cena goes right for the leg that Dolph has taped up; Ziggler avoids his grip and applies a hammerlock. The fans vividly start chant dueling chants as Cena frees himself with a back suplex. Dolph tags out so Vickie has to tag in. The catfight ensues and the fans don’t know who to cheer for. AJ slips free and walks off. I guess there is no countouts here? Dolph drags Cena into the ring and the fight continues. Now, Vickie walks off as well and we’re down to a one-on-one match. Cena hoists him up for the AA but Dolph counters with a DDT, for two. He drops a series of elbows (as the fans count along); he does not give them the satisfaction of the Showoff one. Dolph looks to be trying Sweet Chin Music but Cena ducks and tries the STF. He locks it in but AJ returns with Big E Langston from NXT? Langston rushes the ring and attacks Cena. Dolph is disqualified as Langston hits the Big Ending to John. AJ skips around as Big E stares at the fallen Cena. 4/10 The match was pointless and served as a backdrop for AJ’s new charge in Langston. They are REALLY debuting the NXT guys with force. Only problem with Big E is that Ryback is already there with the same gimmick. Oh, well, perhaps he’ll get the five count over.
Here are your winners… John Cena & Vickie Guerrero @ about 5:00 via DQ.
OVERALL 5.5/10 This was a throwback show with three minute matches and tremendous promos. Some IWC will bitch about it. If you didn’t like this show it proves a Paul Heyman point, where everyone reminisces about the Attitude Era but when an Attitude-esque show comes along, we complain about it. I remember PLENTY of complaining from the Intertubes in the late nineties about the WWE/F and WCW (and ECW for that matter). Sit back and enjoy.
